The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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