i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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