you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
