I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
