We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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