I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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