bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
