I heard we made out
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
