She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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