Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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