That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Please don't give away my fajitas
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