I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
