I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
