I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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