i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
