This girl is more easily done than said...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The ass gains better be worth it
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