she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
