roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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