By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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