You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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