I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
