It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Don't EVER smell your tampon
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
