i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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