My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
