I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
