Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
