bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
