So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
