You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
