p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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