He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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