the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
