and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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