At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
