My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
