Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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