Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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