In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
