im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize