I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
