If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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