I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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