I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize