i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
