we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
