she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i wish my penis had a tongue
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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