You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize