made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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