lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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