I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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