I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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