Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
