White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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