Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
