When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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