also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
