My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I want to fling myself into the sun
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
